Some days, I think my greatest talent is believing Satan's lies. It comes so naturally to me, happening with no conscious thought and requiring no effort. I have never had to work at it, never needed to force myself to hear his whispers.
His quiet, condemning statements are directed at me constantly, from the moment my eyes open in the dawn to the last moments of consciousness in the dark. Often they come out of nowhere, and I am blindsided by their presence.
"You're not good at that, you know."
"You'll never have the time or money to really pursue your passion."
"You're not pretty enough."
"You're not enough."
"You'll always be left out."
"You obviously have nothing to contribute."
"They don't include you on purpose."
He whispers in my ear that my efforts will fall short, my feelings deserve to be hurt, my life is insignificant.
He whispers, and I listen. Not every time, of course, but enough to matter. I listen to him the most when I'm with Jesus the least.
And the truth of the matter is he's right. Without Jesus. Without Jesus, I am not enough. My life will be insignificant. My passion will be unfulfilled.
Satan's lies, without Jesus, are truth.
But with Him, they are just lies. They are words with no truth to give them any weight, and they are words I can choose to reject.
Just today, Satan began to whisper to me, telling me what he wants me to believe in an area of my life where I am particularly vulnerable. And as I type, I am struggling to reject his words and to choose to believe truth. Believe me when I say it is a struggle, though. It is such a hard one. I have that cry-avoiding lump in my throat as I am typing these words, forcing myself to give reality to the emotions I wish I didn't have. That's a large part of the battle, isn't it? Admitting that there is one? Friends, there is. There is a battle in this girl's life daily to believe I can be - and can do - something of worth. To believe that I am of worth.
We each live in a battle zone, and I fear that we lose skirmishes unnecessarily because we forget that we can win. That He has won. We lose when we react defensively instead of fighting proactively.
This afternoon, I resolve to fight - and to win - this particular battle. I'm sure there will be more, perhaps even today. But I will not go down without a fight and will not lose what is mine to win. I will fight. And I will win.